I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i think i have herpe
just one?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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