you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
