I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You can't just leave with hair like that
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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