Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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