I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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