What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
