He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize