based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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