I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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