we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Randomize
