At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
