Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
