The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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