hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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