i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
