I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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