ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
