Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
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