i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
