Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
These 23 People Are Living Shocking Lies
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The 17 Absolute Worst Divorces Imaginable
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking