I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
