party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?