im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.