Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
