She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
