it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
