He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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