I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
