Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
