I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
