Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
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