please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
