dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
