Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i came on her dog
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
