she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
