Please don't use social media to get back at me.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
