Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
