This girl is more easily done than said...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
