she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Two words: blizzard sex
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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