it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
