There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
