dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
