I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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