I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
