My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
