Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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