I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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