Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
