I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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