My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
