John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
