so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
