Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
