omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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