i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
