Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
