This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
