he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I am available for nakedness
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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