woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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