I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
