I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
