I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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