Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
