Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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