I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just blew my weed a kiss
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
