i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
