so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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