You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
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He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
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Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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