U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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