I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
