The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
