I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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