Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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