i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
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U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
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Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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