who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
