She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
